20 Lame Jokes

1.) A 95 year old man sucks his 90 year old wife's breast fro half and hour and drinks 2 drops of milk.

POSTMORTEM REPORT - death due to drinking milk after EXPIRY DATE !!

2.) Husband reading a book on bed with wife beside. His finger went to tease wife's pussy.
Wife ask quot; "You want sex"?
Husband answer "No", just want to wet my finger to turn the page.

3.) Rooster & Cat going over bridge. Cat slips & falls into river. Rooster can't stop laughing.

Moral of story? Whenever there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock.

4.) There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant!! Which Male pencil is responsible?

THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.

5.) Girls' reaction to penis sizes:
10" : Oh shit, pain !
8" : Oh yes, shiok !
6" : Ohhh, perfect !
5" : Ohmm, Ok !
4" : Push more !
3" : Is it in?
2" : Idiot ! just use your tongue !

6.) Thank you for calling 1900- NEEDSEX hotline. For hot sex press 1. For breast sex press 2. For combo sex press 3. For oral sex press 4. To end this call press your Balls !!

7.) Woman in bed with husband's best friend, phone rings! "YES".. OK, BYE".
She turns to her lover and says, THAT'S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE'S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU.

8.) 3 Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.
Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo !!!
Retarded : doodle-cock-a-dooo !!!
Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!

9.) What's the most difficult GOLF COURSE in this world?
INTER COURSE. do matter how many strokes or what style you play, your balls will never go in !!

10.) FACT : Women can get a 2 inch wide penis into 1.5 inch vagina in pitch-dark, but can't get a fucking 15 feet car into a 40ft parking space in broad daylight !!

11.) Teacher asked : Which part of the body goes to heaven first? A kid name Johnny reply... the LEGS.. because every night I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING....

12.) COCK says to his two BALLS: I am going to take you with me to party.
BALLS said: You fucking liar!!! You always get INSIDE and leave us waiting OUTSIDE !!!

13.) 3 Guys were introduced to a girl.
Hi,.... I'm Peter, not a saint.
I'm Paul not a POPE.
I'm John not a Baptist...
The girl replied.. Hi.. I'm Mary, not a VIRGIN.

14.) Q: Why do men have pubic hair?
A: A nest for their bird...
Q: Why do women have pubic hair?
A: A resting place for the coming bird !!!

15.) What does it mean when a girl offers PEPSI to a guy :
P : Please
E : Enter
P : Penis
S : Slowly
I : Inside
Ahhhhh... Shiok....

16.) Girlfriends are appetizers. Tastes good at any time. Mistresses are Tomyams.. Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently. WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there's nothing to eat.!!!
(LOL!!)

17.) Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied : I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!

18.) A Girl who opens her hand receives gifts.Open her heart receives love.But when she opens her legs, she receives happiness.

19.) Yesterday's News:- A nun jogging at Jogger' Park was raped by 4 guys.
Today's News :- Nearly 100 nuns found jogging at the park.

20.) Why do Indians talk non stop?

guess....

Still dunno?

OK lah.....

Answer : Becoz they left their full stop on their forehead