Accountants
Hi, I am fwding this msg to the three accountants in the house, so read n see who is who !!! hahaha......I particularly like the last sentence of the
whole text., quite sound like WHong !!! hahahaha......
cc. Aun, Huong , Leok n Qi for u all to be the judge ! .......Jenny Oo
Three accountants go to the men's room to relieve themselves.
The first one finishes and walks over to the basin to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry them carefully, using paper towel after paper towel until every spot of water is gone. He turns to the other two
accountants and says, "Management Accountants are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second one goes over to the basin, washes his hands and then dries them with one paper towel, using every corner of it until every spot of water is gone. He says, "CPAs are trained to be extremely thorough
but also extremely efficient."
The third accountant walks straight to the door. "Chartered Accountants learn never to piss on themselves."
How do you know you've met a good tax accountant?
He has a loophole named after him.
Accounting will prove anything. Even the truth.
An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He is met by St Peter who goes through the usual questionnaire.
"What sort of accountant are you?" says St Peter
"Public Practitioner," is the reply.
"Name?"
He gives his name. St Peter goes through some files and pulls one out.
"Oh, yes. We've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted span," says St Peter.
"How can that be?" says the accountant. "I'm too young to go. I'm only forty-eight"
"No, that's impossible. "
"Why do you say that?"
"Well we've been looking at your time sheets and the hours you've charged your clients. By our reckoning you're at least ninety three."
An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."
"Why does that parrot cost so much?" asks the accountant.
"Well," replies the owner, "it knows how to do complex audits."
"How much does the middle parrot cost?" asks the accountant.
"That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts".
The startled accountant asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?"
To which the owner replies "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."
There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a division manager position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question "how much is 2+2?"
The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced, "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician said, "In two hours I can demonstrate it equals 4 with the following short proof."
The physicist declared, "It's in the magnitude of 1x101."
The logician paused for a long while and then said, "This problem is solvable."
The social worker said, "I don't know the answer, but I am glad that we discussed this important question.
The attorney stated, "In the case of Svenson vs. the State, 2+2 was declared to be 4."
The trader asked, "Are you buying or selling?"
The accountant looked at the business owner, then got out of his chair, went to see if anyone was listening at the door and pulled the drapes. Then he returned to the business owner, leaned across the desk and
said in a low voice, "What would you like it to be?"