The Right Person for The Right Chair

Good reference material for the bosses and future bosses!

Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair? If yes, try this simple experiment.

Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation:

1) If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks - PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.
2) If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks - PUT THEM IN THE ENGINEERING DEPT.
3) If they are arranging the bricks in some other order - PUT THEM IN PLANNING.
4) If they are throwing the bricks at each other - PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.
5) If they are sleeping - PUT THEM IN SECURITY.
6) If they have broken the bricks into pieces - PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.
7) If they are staring out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE EXPORT CELL.
8) If they are sitting idle - PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.
9) If they have thrown the bricks out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.
10) If they are clinging onto the bricks - PUT THEM IN TREASURY.
11) If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has moved - PUT THEM IN SALES.
12) If they have already left for the day - PUT THEM IN MARKETING.

Last but not least....

13) If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved - PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT CELL.

Ghost Story

Two ghost met and both chat about how they died,
1st ghost : How u died?
2nd ghost : I died of coldness.

1st ghost : How does it feel when you're dying in cold?
2nd ghost : Actually, I was imprisoned in the refrigerator. Initially, I was
shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I flt the whole world
was dark and I died. Fortunately, I died with not much sufferings.

1st ghost : You're so pityful....
2nd ghost : How about you? How did u die?

1st ghost : I died from heart attack.
2nd ghost : I see, why did u have a heart attack?

1st ghost : Actually, I found out that my wife is having an affair with another man. One day, when I came back from work, I saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone. I must find where that bastard is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the bastard was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing. Because I was too tired of all that running, I got a heart attack and died.
2nd ghost : Why didn't you look for the bastard in the fridge? If you did, both of us were alive now!

Top 5

Number 5

A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft
as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."

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Number 4

A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman. He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It says that American Indians have the longest penises and Greek men are the best in bed. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
"Tonto Papadopoulos, nice to meet you."

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Number 3

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over
and taps his wife again.
"Do you have dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

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Number 2

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something
was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."

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Number 1.

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times!" Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee the other
is in your oatmeal my love."

TMW - The Malaysian Way

A Malaysian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes first to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then >they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Government servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen...

What are the differences between Bill Clinton and Anwar Ibrahim?

1. Bill Clinton is a President of USA!
Anwar Ibrahim is a resident of ISA!
2. Bill Clinton's favorite tune is sax and symphony!
Anwar Ibrahim's favorite tune is sex and sodomy!
3. Bill Clinton's favorite phrase: Kneel over!
Anwar Ibrahim's favorite phrase: Bend over!
4. Bill Clinton plays saxophone!
Anwar Ibrahim plays sex-at-home!
5. Bill Clinton was shamed by ML (Monica Lewinsky)
Anwar Ibrahim was shamed by MM (Mahathir Mohamed)
6. Anwar Ibrahim's outcome: Demo riots
Bill Clinton's outcome: Demo tapes
7. Bill Clinton got a blow job!
Anwar Ibrahim got a screw job!